A few years ago my husband and I started our “What Makes Me Feel Loved” lists. These lists are made up of all of the ways we each feel loved.
We both want to show love to the each other and in general we know how to do that, but why not be specific. Some people may think it takes the surprise or mystery out of things but it doesn’t. For instance, if one of my items for my husband is to “cook dinner” – then he can jump in and do that on days I’m too tired or having a bad day, or he can surprise me and whip up something new and different that he found online himself and bought the groceries for. It just gives him something to focus on but he can be creative with how and when he does it.
Each person feels loved in different ways. If you’ve ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you know what I’m referring to.
My love languages are Acts of Service and Quality Time. My husbands are Quality Time and Physical Touch.
The way we each feel loved is even more unique than these 5 love languages. For instance, my friend’s love language may also be Acts of Service, but she may want something different than I do. She may want her car washed or the grocery shopping done for her.
I am not going to share our full lists because those are between my husband and I, but to give you some ideas – here are a few examples from my lists over the years:
Cook dinner
Go for a walk with me
Serve with me
Bring home flowers
We have decided to look at the lists every year to see if there needs to be any changes. We have noticed that a lot of them stay the same but some change.
This is a really helpful practical way to know exactly how to show your spouse love. And you can still throw in mystery and creativity.
Sit down one night after dinner when the two of you are alone and put together your lists and share them with each other. Maybe even on Valentine’s Day!
After we share them in person we share them digitally on Evernote so we can reference them often. I also put reminders in my phone for certain items so that I don’t get too busy and forget! I know that may sound bad that I am putting reminders in my phone – but I don’t want my to-do list and day to day routine to cause me to forget the really important things in life. I want to be intentional about doing exactly what makes my husband feel loved.