One of the most transformative ways that I created peace in my own life was going through a Bible study called “Forgiven and Set Free” and receiving healing for my past abortion.
I completed the study over 10 years ago. It truly helped me to finally forgive myself for the decision I made over 30 years ago. Throughout the study I was truly beginning to heal. I finally was able to let go of all the shame and guilt.
My ABORTION Story
Shortly after turning 18 my boyfriend and I started having sex. I wasn’t 100% sure I was ready, but I didn’t say no. I just thought that’s what you did when you had a boyfriend. After about a month of having sex, and thinking we were being safe, I got pregnant.
I was so scared and didn’t know what to do. My memories about my thought process at that point are fuzzy – but I think at the time I thought abortion was my only option. Fear kept me from telling my parents. I didn’t know what they would say or what they would think of me. It was also a shock that this had happened to me (although it shouldn’t have been).
We found a clinic and made an appointment over Christmas break. The procedure itself was horrible. It was painful and the Dr. wasn’t nice at all. But really why should he be? I do remember the nurse holding my arm and rubbing it during the entire procedure. I felt so nauseous after. They made me lie down in the “recovery” room with a bunch of beds where other women were lying down. After a few minutes of lying down I told them I was fine. I wanted to go home. I wasn’t fine. The rest of the day I felt sick to my stomach and this was just the beginning of the turmoil my body and mind would feel.
From that day on I tried so hard to stuff it down and go on with my life. I often turned to alcohol to numb the pain and I went from relationship to relationship. Distractions kept me from thinking about it too much or feeling anything. I would turn away when I saw anything pro-life.
My first marriage was right after college when I was 23. The marriage only lasted about 4 years. After the divorce I started dating again and got right into another serious relationship pretty quickly. We moved into together and then married about 2 years later. Two years into that marriage we had my daughter (who is 17 now). The 2nd marriage also ended in divorce only a year and a half after my daughter was born. I was now a single mom who had two failed marriages in my past. This was not how I pictured my life going.
Becoming A Christian
Shortly after the 2nd divorce I experienced my lowest point. Feeling completely lost I actually prayed to God to help me. At the time I wasn’t a believer and I had only prayed a handful of times in my life. God heard my prayers and showed up almost immediately.
I gave my life over to Christ only a few months later and my life was changed. Reading my Bible daily became part of my routine. Next I joined a church, then a single parents small group and also began volunteering at church. For 4 years I spent my time focused on Jesus and on my daughter. It was such a sweet time. I had a lot of catching up to do and it was so refreshing to know that God loved me so much and had been pursuing me.
God Loved Me even though He Knew my past
What struck me the most during this time was that God loved me even though He knew my past. He took me in like a lost sheep that He had been waiting for. Reading my Bible daily and doing different Bible studies helped me to learn more and more about His love and forgiveness.
I also started seeing a Christian counselor during that time. She was great and she helped me for about a year. One day during my session I mentioned I had an abortion at 18. She stopped me and told me that we needed to work through this. She had me write letters. One letter was written to my 18 year old self as my current self. Another letter was to me from God (so she could see how I thought God saw me) – she had me rewrite this one with more focus on love and grace. The last letter was a letter to my unborn baby. I had not allowed myself to grieve at that point and it had been 17 years. The tears were flowing and flowing and that was such a hard letter to write. But once we worked through it – I did feel better.
forgiven and set free Bible study
After 4 years of being a single mom I met my current husband who was a Godsend! God truly put us together for a reason. He was so kind and caring and supportive about my past abortion. Our church at the time kept advertising an after-abortion Bible study called “Forgiven and Set Free”. I thought it would be perfect for me to lead the study – that would be my ministry. I saw it in the bulletin about 15 times before I decided to give the leader a call. Once I did, we met and she said that I would need to go through the study myself before I could lead it. A technicality I thought.
Wow, did God have big plans for me. That study changed my life. I was finally free of the heavy burden of guilt and shame. Finally I understood true grace and forgiveness and I could truly see how God saw me. Lastly, I was able to forgive myself.
It is SUCH a powerful study and God does some amazing work in the women who go through it. Since I went through it back in 2009 I’ve lead other women through it almost every year. I think I’ve lead about 8 or 9 studies and it is such a blessing to be able to see the transformation in these women’s lives.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to email me directly. My email is michelle@creatingpeace.com .
Wendy says
https://creatingpeace.com/forgiven-and-set-free/#respond
Thank you for sharing this stirring testimony of God’s transforming work. And now you can be a blessing to your family and so many others. Praise God!
Many blessing to you!
Wendy K
Michelle Traudt says
Thank you so much Wendy! I appreciate your kind words!
Michele says
Thank you for sharing! This is healing and forgiveness through His love.
Steph says
Thanks for sharing your story, Michelle. “I am chosen, not forsaken, I am who you say I am.” So thankful that you are part of our family!
Michelle Traudt says
Thank you Steph!! That means a lot and I’m so thankful to be a part of your family too! 🙂